dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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