I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
