I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
