some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
