UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
