Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
kristin has been a bad kristin
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
