4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
