I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize