He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize