i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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