just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
