Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
