I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
