alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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