JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
