Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
