I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
