I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
