sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
