if only i could text you this smell
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
