I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
