That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
