u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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