WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
