i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
