There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
