we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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