Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
