Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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