did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
