Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
