Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
