did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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