Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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