Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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