That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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