I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Say something about gay babies.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
