oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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