I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
