Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
