2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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