Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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