Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize