Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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