she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
