I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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