My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
