capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
