Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize