I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
