I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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