Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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