She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
