Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
