So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
