No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
