There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
