I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize