can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
