Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
