The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
