shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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