What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
