God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
