there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
