I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
