Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
