how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
