Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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