You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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