all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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