He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it because I queefed?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize