As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
