so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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