She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i came on her dog
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
