WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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