I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize