I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
