Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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