Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
