so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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