Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
