This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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