So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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