I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
