oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
