I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have already put on my inside pants.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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